


Until Dusk

by fight_flight



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Climbing Class, Everybody Lives, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Polyamory, Psychological Trauma, Slow Burn, irregular updates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-05-09 23:52:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5560735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fight_flight/pseuds/fight_flight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After surviving the traumatic events of Until Dawn, the damaged group comes back into the real world; alive and shaken. Living with the horrors of that night, they must move on and try to find some peace in what now seems like a terrifying existence. Relationships are formed, friendships are broken and things are a mess. Can the gang survive the dawn now that it really has come?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before reading this fic, please read the following so you can understand how things went before the events of all this.  
> Okay so first of all everyone is alive in this fic! Josh did not turn into a Wendigo but other than that not much has really changed.  
> I've put the chapter estimate at 14 chapters but that may change at any time.  
> The rating may also change to Explicit if I think some of the stuff I write warrants it. There most likely will be smut and definitely some descriptions of violence/gore.  
> If I get anything wrong with the details of the game please tell me. I haven't played Until Dawn a whole lot of times and even though my last play through was recent I have a crappy memory.  
> Anyway: enjoy!

"So, Chris. How are you?"

Chris looks over at Dr. Kilbourne from his place on the couch. He's in his mid-forties with dark hair and a receding hairline. He's wearing a cheap suit and sitting at a desk in front of three framed degrees. The question and Kilbourne's tone are so cliché that Chris finds himself struggling not to roll his eyes.

"Not bad for a guy who almost died."

Kilbourne's soft smile turns slightly amused and he moves from behind the desk to sit on the smaller chair across from Chris. "Why don't you tell me about that night?"

Chris sighs. "I don't really know what to say. I don't have a lot of the story. My best friend spends the night trying to scare the crap out of me and my friends and then the whole night twisted into some paranormal TV show and we all nearly died. Good times."

"What about after? Tell me about the events that followed all of this."

"After, huh? That's a little easier to explain. Well, we were all kind of freaked after everything. Sam and Mike seemed to be the only two who weren't flipping out while we were heading home. Ash and Emily were the worst, crying and shaking. None of us could really talk to each other at that point. It was... too much. They found Matt and Jess wandering around the mountain a little later and people went down to the mines and managed to get Josh out despite all the... wendigoes down there. I don't know what would have happened if he'd been left down there any longer. Last time I saw him was at the shed with Mike."

"I see you don't talk much about yourself in all this. How were you feeling after you were rescued?"

Chris pushes his glasses into a better position on his face. "I was just shocked, I guess. It only really all became real when the police were interviewing us and... I dunno. It was the longest night I'd ever been through so I was just tired. I wanted it to be over."

"And now?"

"And now... it's weird. Trying to move on from everything that happened now that I know the kind of shit that's out there... it's just weird."

Kilbourne leans back in his chair. "Do you want to go back to normal?"

"Yes," Chris says. "I do want things to go back to normal. But I don't know if they can. All of it still happened and I'm not just going to forget, go back to school and live life like there aren't horrifying things out in the world."

Nodding, Kilbourne writes a few more things on his clipboard. "Have you talked to any of the others since all of this?"

"I've talked to Ashley, Mike and Sam over the phone a couple times. Sam and I are meeting for lunch today."

"That's good. What about Josh? You mentioned early that he was your best friend? Do you still feel that way?"

Chris hesitates. "Yeah. I mean a part of me definitely wants to kick his ass for all the stuff he did but... yeah. He's still my best friend. I haven't seen him yet though. He's not allowed any visitors."

"Would you visit him? If you could."

"I don't know. I don't know what I would even say."

"Do you want your friendship to last in the midst of all this? Josh had tricked you. It would be understandable if you didn't want him around anymore."

"Ash... I think Ashley feels that way. I don't think she can accept him anymore but I still want him around. I've known him since third grade and he's sick. I want to help him. I want my friend back."

"Mmm." Kilbourne jots down more notes. "How about Sam? You're meeting her today, right? Is there anything particular you wanted to discuss with her?"

"Not really. We're both just trying to settle back into usual routines and stuff. We'd hang out before all this so it doesn't make sense to stop that."

"Being around people who understand what you went through can be really helpful. Do you have any interest in seeing the others?"

Chris shrugs. "I wasn't ever really close to Matt or Emily. Even Mike and I have never been bros, really. Ashley and I were always good friends but I think she wants some time away from us all. Besides that... Josh was always the person I saw the most. It's strange not to always have him around and stuff. After Beth and Hannah... well, he didn't spend as much time around any of us but now he's just _gone_ and I don't know if he'll still be my friend after he gets out of the hospital."

"After a traumatic event it's not unusual for friendships to end. We have to put in the effort to mend things. Even then, it is rare things will go back to how they were before. Your friendship with Josh may change or end but you cannot know if that will happen until you finally see him. Try not to worry about it too much and when Josh is allowed visitors it may be a good idea to go see him."

"Yeah," Chris murmurs. "I think I will."

Kilbourne's final smile is warm and patient and Chris is surprised at how this has gone. He wasn't looking forward to these mandatory sessions but he feels strangely better as they end the session and he leaves.

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Sam looks down at the menu in irritation. "Why did we come here?"

"I dunno. We've come here loads of times."

Sam looks at the two vegan items on the menu and rolls her eyes. "I know but why do we keep coming _back_?"

Chris laughs. It's short and brief but Sam feels a small victory. Laughing is hard for all of them at the moment.

"Anyway, how's things been?" she asks. "What've you been up to?"

"I've just been fighting crime and hacking into NASA. The usual." His smile fades a little. "Things have been... okay, I suppose. Nothing has tried to kill me today so I'm not complaining. What about you?"

Sam rests her arms on the table. "Normal. Which... somehow no longer feels normal." She's not particularly surprised that everything seems out of sync now. It's not like she thought she'd go back to her usual routine but even doing laundry felt weird.

"I know what you mean," Chris sighs.

The waiter comes up and takes their order with a bright smile.

"To be honest, the only time I feel normal is when I'm with you or Ashley. It's like... I can stop pretending things are like they were before, you know?" Sam sips her water and it tastes stale and terrible. She kind of likes how familiar it feels, talking to Chris in the crappy diner right by her house. It's nice.

"Yeah me too. Have you actually seen Ash?"

"I have." She doesn't know if the feelings Ashley and Chris had are still there but she knows they haven't been talking as much now that it's all over. None of them have though so Sam can't be sure of anything.

"How is she? We've only really talked on the phone. Actually you're the only person I've actually seen."

"I'm honoured." Sam grins a little before turning serious. "She's... scared. Constantly. She hangs out at my place a lot now. I think it makes her feel safer. You should come by. I think it'd be good for her."

Chris nods but Sam can see the uncertainty.

Their food arrives and it's pretty terrible. The salad is bland but the fries she steals from Chris aren't too bad and talking to Chris is a welcome change to her day.

The two of them head outside and walk for a bit to Chris' car. She waves him goodbye and heads back home, walking the short distance to her house. Ashley's car is already there and she walks in to find her passed out on the couch, the cooking channel playing on the TV.

Sam's beginning to get that Ashley can't sleep at her own house. She'd been crashing here more and more than usual and Sam can see the dark circles under her eyes, looking strange on such a gentle face.

Instead of waking her up, Sam goes and sits by her feet, opening the small laptop on her coffee table. It feels strangely right to have Ashley quietly sleeping on her couch. It almost feels normal.

‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡

"There's a few more boxes left upstairs! Make sure you get _all_ of them."

"Jesus, Em. You could be a bit nicer. It's not like we're getting paid to move your stuff around," Mike bit back, irritated.

Matt stayed quiet, heading upstairs. Mike followed him as Emily yelled out a few other choice words.

The two of them took the elevator up to the fifth floor again, standing a little awkwardly in the elevator.

"I can't believe she's making us do this and not even lifting a finger herself," Mike grumbled, hoping to break the silence.

Matt laughed. "Does it really surprise you?"

"No, not really." Mike tapped his foot. "Why is she moving out?"

"Said she wants to start over in a new place. After everything living here apparently doesn't feel right."

"Ah."

The elevator doors opened and they made their way back into the apartment. It was annoying, having to keep locking and unlocking the doors but Emily had gone downstairs to get herself a coffee and had yet come back so that they could keep the door unlocked.

Mike pushed the door open and had the sharp image of a wendigo leaping at him. He jumped back, eyes frantically searching the apartment.

There was nothing.

"Mike? Are you okay?" Matt was also looking at the room, trying to figure out what had scared Mike.

"Yeah. I just... yeah. I'm fine."

They entered the room. There were three boxes left and Mike piled one atop another to carry. Matt looked a little like he wanted to carry more but kept his mouth shut.

Before Mike could take the boxes downstairs, Matt sat on one of them and looked at him expectantly.

"What?"

Matt sighed. "Look... Mike, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"During... during our time at the lodge I was pretty hostile. I was just so jealous and angry but I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions and I hope we can try and be friends. I know I said that before but I really mean it this time."

Mike shuffled uncomfortably. "Uh, yeah, Matt. It's cool."

"Okay, good. Let's get these downstairs before this gets even more awkward."

"Yep."

Before they could get out of the room, Emily came in and looked around. Her eyes scanned the place, a thoughtful expression on her face. "You got everything, right?"

They assented.

"Let's get out of there then."

The three of them walked out the door, Emily locking it shut behind them for the last time.

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"Hello, Ashley. It's nice to finally meet you. How are you?"

Ashley smiles a little feebly, eyeing Kilbourne. He seems nice enough, calming and concerned. "I'm not too great."

"Why exactly is that?"

She'd been a little late to the appointment. Apparently she'd been more than a little tired and had fallen asleep at Sam's. Luckily she'd woken up in time to rush over. "I haven't been sleeping all that well. I don't feel... comfortable."

"Are you scared?"

"Yes." That was kind of an understatement. Ashley couldn't seem to calm down half the time. The office was small and she could hear the background noise of traffic outside. It made her feel a little better but her anxiety was constant.

"Have you been seeing things?"

Ashley shook her head. "I just can't help but imagine those things hiding everywhere. I also have a lot of nightmares. It's why I'm having trouble sleeping."

Kilbourne tapped his fingers. "Do you think medication would help? Would you like any sleeping aids?"

"No... I can sleep when I stay at Sam's place. It feels safer there."

"How so?"

"I don't know. It's just easier to sleep. Even when she's not there it still feels better than when I'm at home with my parents."

"It's good to have somewhere you feel safe. This place is somewhere you should feel safe. If anything makes you feel uncomfortable I can get rid of it. If you don't feel comfortable with me I can always refer you to someone else."

Ashley's smile is more genuine this time. "Thank you. I think I'm okay here."

Kilbourne returns the smile before getting up to look through his desk. "If you do want to try a few natural sleeping methods, give this a read. It could help."

Taking the pamphlet, Ashley flips through a few pages. "Thanks. I'll look it over."

"Is there anything you'd personally like to talk about, Ashley? Maybe you'd like to elaborate on your nightmares?"

"I don't think there's any point talking about them. They're just about the wendigoes and everything that happened that night... and about Josh's prank. I still think about that too."

"Does Josh still scare you?"

"Yes. I never want to see him again. I'm so angry about what he did and I'm just so scared that he'll try and hurt us again."

"Were you close with him?"

"Not really but I trusted him. I thought he was my friend. What we did to Hannah and Beth was wrong but I can't imagine we deserved that."

"Do you blame yourself or the others for Hannah and Beth's disappearance?"

"In some ways. I know it was our fault but we didn't push her out of the house or anything. We just... thought it was funny. A little joke. Now I know how stupid that was..." Ashley trails off. Her voice has turned sad and quiet. "I miss them."

"Has the transition back to normal been difficult?"

Ashley pushes back a strand of hair. "It's been impossible. I just want to forget it all."

"Have you talked about what happened to any of your friends? Family?"

"A little. My dad listens even if he doesn't understand. And Sam and I have talked about it all but I don't really like to think about it."

"Do you want to see any of the others there that night? Does being around them bring back bad memories?"

"I've only talked to Sam and Chris. They're the only ones I really want to keep in contact with. Over the past year they were the two who most stuck around. When I'm with Sam I don't automatically think of that night but sometimes when I talk to Chris on the phone I can't help but focus on all of it."

"Do you know if Sam or Chris share these feelings? Maybe they'd like to talk about the events that transpired. Would you be willing to listen if they wanted to talk?"

Ashley frowns. "Of course. They're my best friends."

"What if one of the others wanted to talk?"

"I... probably wouldn't want to talk about it with them but I might listen? I just don't think they'd come to me."

Kilbourne glances over at the clock. "I'm sorry, Ashley but we'll have to end things here. I'll see you next weeks?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"Have a nice day, Ashley."

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Chris doesn't know who decided it was a good idea to gather them all together again but he gets the text from Sam that they'll all be meeting up at her place tomorrow.

He can't help but groan. He's not looking forward to having another little group get-together. Especially since the last one went so terrible. Josh isn't even going to be there so that'll just add to the weirdness. Chris had never see the whole group together without Josh.

Sam however seems to think that it would be good for them. She'd spent the day convincing him to come and explaining that it would be a good chance to make sure their friendships stayed intact.

Chris isn't even sure he cares about being friends with half of them. He hadn't heard a word from anyone but Sam and Ashley since they'd left the police station and he's sure things are going to be uncomfortable between them all now.

That morning, Chris gets a call from Melinda Washington. Josh's mother tells him how he is - according to the doctors - and promises she'll keep him updated and tell him when visitors are permitted.

The impression she gives off was one that says her husband hasn't been as involved with Josh's condition as she would have liked.

Chris had always had a little bit of a grudge against Bob. He'd lost interest in his children when his career had taken off and had become even more distant since Beth and Hannah. Chris always wanted to yell at him and now was no different. Instead he thanks Melinda and hangs up the phone.

School's starting up in a month and he knows this time should be spent reading the crap the teacher's had all set for the upcoming semester. He doesn't really want to take a year off. Not because he wants to go to his classes but because he has nothing else to fill his time. He's just grateful most of the lectures are online.

He spends the day playing around with some basic code. It reminds him of when he was in his early teens, just learning all of the computer stuff he was now obsessed with. Josh used to tease him about it but the crappy little games and things he created would always interest the bastard.

Beth eventually got into it a little too, mostly making websites and generally being a secret nerd. Chris misses her. He wasn't as close to Hannah but he was always impressed by her skill with tennis. Josh would brag constantly about it all and the three siblings were close. Chris had almost felt like one of them.

He shakes the thoughts out of his head and takes a shower, trying to convince himself that there's nothing there when he closes his eyes to rinse the shampoo from his hair. He thinks he hears an inhuman scream and opens his eyes to soapy water and an empty, steamy room. Chris tries to wash out the burning in his eyes but they still hurt when he finally gets out of the shower.

He checks all the rooms though. Just in case.

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When Matt had got the text from Jess, he'd initially been happy.

_JESS: **Get 2getha @ Sam's 2nite. Everyone has 2 b there.**_

Sam had also sent a message shortly after that and it made him smile a little. He'd missed everyone and hanging out with the old gang sounded great.

Now however, he's just feeling uncomfortable.

The atmosphere is... tense. Awkward. He already feels the desperate need to diffuse it. Jess and Chris are the only ones missing and he hopes things will ease up when they get there.

When Chris shows up he acts like himself but just like everyone else, he seems a little tense and Matt wants to ask what's wrong with them all but of course he _knows_ what's wrong.

He thought they might feel comfortable all together like this but apparently it's having the opposite effect. Ashley looks like she's about to shake out of her skin. Emily is pretending she'd bored but huddles a little closer to Matt. Mike easily looks on-edge. He's not hiding it one bit.

Sam's the only one who doesn't look extraordinarily cautious. She just looks kind of irritated at them all. Catching Matt's eye, she rolls her own and takes a large sip of her coffee.

Matt grins back at her and catches Emily raising her eyebrows. He shrugs back.

"So..." Sam clears her throat. "Who's gone to therapy so far."

Nobody says anything for a while. Eventually Chris nods. "Yeah I have."

Ashley seems to gather courage after that and mumbles, "Me too."

No one else has but Matt knows Jess has gone to see Dr. Kilbourne already and is apparently going to see someone else. They'd been texting a lot more lately but no one had really seen her since the 'night of.'

Matt doesn't start therapy until early next week. Emily has one tomorrow but Matt doesn't think it's right to offer up the information he has.

"He any good?" Mike asks. He seems put out about having to go see someone but it's mandatory for all of them and Matt's pretty sure he should go and try to participate in sessions. He's kind of worried after the scare Mike had yesterday while they were moving Em's stuff.

Ashley nods fervently all of a sudden. "He's great. So nice and understanding."

"Yeah. Kilbourne's not bad. He knows what questions to ask," Chris adds.

"And what questions not to ask," Ashley interjects.

They have small-talk for a little while longer and while it doesn't feel like it used to, Matt thinks that at least they're not freaked out to be around each other now.

Jessica finally gets there. She's 20 minutes late but doesn't really offer an apology. She looks as beautiful as always but the confident smile that's usually on her face is now gone, replaced by an almost angry frown.

She avoids eye-contact for the most part, keeping her gaze particularly away from Mike. "Hi," she starts quietly.

Jess' tone is serious and it makes the room focus on her. The slight chatter Ashley and Chris had continued is gone and Jess takes the stage like usual.

"Um, I was the one who asked Sam to get you guys here today. I need to say some things and you guys probably won't be happy but honestly? I couldn't care less so here it goes."

Emily looks like she wants to open her mouth and snap at Jess but Matt nudges her gently and for some crazy reason she actually keeps quiet.

"I'm moving away in a couple days, going North. Dad got a job offer and we figured it was perfect timing. I can't be around you guys anymore. Not because I'm moving but because I just _can't_. Down in those mines I was alone and scared and I prayed and wished for you guys to help me. For anyone to figure that I was worth saving. But no one came. Matt found me but I just feel so betrayed and I don't want to see any of you again. I just want to start fresh and file this away as a night I don't need to remember or think about. This is me saying goodbye and sincerely fuck off because I just _cannot deal anymore_."

A silence follows her words before she spins around and hurries away.

Everyone begins talking at once, arguing about her words. Mike, Emily and Ashley seem to be of the opinion that she'd gone too far and that it was in no way their fault.

Matt shares the sympathetic opinion of Chris and Sam who seem to get Jess' anger and not really be effected by it. He stays quiet though, a little hurt that Jess could have thought they'd intentionally forgotten about her. Matt hadn't even known she was hurt. Emily hadn't either but they'd hated each other in the first place so it made sense.

His phone buzzes while Ashley is crying and repeating that it wasn't her fault, Sam trying to calm her down.

_JESS: **Sorry, Matt. Didn't mean u and I kno it's not fair but I'm tired of it all and ur the only 1 who I want 2 deal wit anymore. Keep in touch, k?**_

Matt stares at the message a couple of seconds before looking up at the others. They're still discussing it all and Matt is determined to believe that they all just needed some time. Including Jess. Things would be okay.

_MATT: **K.**_

Everyone is less tense now. Even though Jessica's declaration had thrown them into chaos, they all start talking and eventually it dies down. Someone puts on an animated movie, Mike orders pizza and things seem to be a little better than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not a medical professional and all the treatment and psychology sessions in this are all of my own knowledge. Please do not use this to diagnose any problems. If you need help with something please go to someone who is trained in this sort of stuff. Please keep this in mind as you continue reading.  
> Also: I don't have a beta so please understand if there are mistakes or things that don't sound as well as they could.


	2. Chapter 2

Josh looks around the cave he’s standing in with a hollow feeling in his stomach. The place is drenched in darkness, light seeming scattered only where he stands. The floor is made up of soft dirt and the entire place draws out a nervous, manic laugh from his lips.

When he falls silent again he can hear someone singing quietly and the sound hits his hard, making him fall to his knees.

It’s Beth’s voice. She used to sing the same small tune when they were kids. Dad would leave them, rushing to work and looking annoyed by their greetings and Mum would wave his off, oblivious to the growing sadness of her three children as their parents seemed to forget them. It was then that Beth would sing, the three of them getting ready for school or whatever they had going on. Josh would sometimes wake up to that tune and other times he’d come home to hear her humming it while Hannah sobbed into her arms about something that had happened.

Hearing that melody now feels wrong and Josh can taste how sour it makes him feel.

It’s cut off all of a sudden and he looks up, coming face-to-face with his sisters, their movements and voice almost as one, eerily filling up the room, larger than life.

“Josh,” they say, voices bouncing off the darkness, flooding around him. “Why did you leave us?”

“I didn’t!” Josh can feel a building panic, a desperation to find them, to join them. “Tell me where you are! I’ll go there.”

“You know where, Josh.”

“I don’t! Please…” the last word comes out softly, a sob of desperation.

“Breakfast’s up in thirty!” An orderly calls, behind the door knocking sharply.

Josh is still in the midst of desperate panic, needing to rush and find his sisters. The fact that the whole thing was just a dream does little to deter him. However, the orderly that knocked on his door is large and he wouldn’t get far. The thought leaves his cold. He gets out of bed.

The next fifteen minutes are spent waking up properly. He brushes his teeth, rubs cool water over his face and watches his roommate, a boy a few years older with a cocktail of problems, get out of bed with a flailing fall to the floor.

The two of them line up together in the hall with the rest of the patients, waiting for the daily escort to breakfast. Josh has never talked to his roommate and the guy never seems to have a problem with it. It’s a good thing they have going.

Josh eats some sort of cereal for breakfast, ignoring the label and sitting in a chair by himself, praying to be left alone today.

No such luck. She comes up to him again today. It’s become a regular occurrence. It might not be every day but it happens a hell of a lot more than he’d like. She’s said her name a couple times but he makes sure to forget it every time. She’s schizophrenic and too friendly. He’s not sure why she hasn’t been released yet but guesses she’s still reacting to her meds. Josh can kind of relate but he doesn’t want to so he ignores her for what feels like the hundredth time.

“Hey, Josh!” she chirps happily. She takes the seat opposite of him, her plate crammed with scrambled eggs and cheese.

She pauses like she’s waiting for a reply and he crams the spoon he’s holding into his mouth, barely tasting the wash of dairy and fibre.

The room is visible by florescent lights, windows seemingly non-existent in this part of the hospital. He kind of misses sunlight streaming into his room every day and he’d honestly rather be just as crazy at home.

“Did I ever tell you about my dog back home? No? His name was Roger and he was this adorable cocker spaniel. You would love him. Anyway, once Roger…”

Josh wonders why she’s so intent on speaking at him so often. There’s other people who actually have an interest in socialising here and he doesn’t get why she hasn’t gone to one of them. It’s irritating to be constantly bombarded with information about her life and childhood memories when he’s trying to ignore a hallucination of his sisters or his dad or a million other possibilities.

Usually he can tell what’s real when he’s focused but sometimes they’ll find him screaming at someone that no one can see. It’s not an unusual occurrence in this specific hospital though. The place hosts a lot of people with similar problems. It makes him wonder again why schizo girl is really here.

When breakfast ends, Josh has succeeded in ignoring schizo girl once again and he heads off to group therapy almost _happily_.

They begin talking about the goals set at the start of the week. They don’t always have to be important things but Josh has heard people talk about wanting to fix things with a friend, usually over the phone. He wonders if people can actually fix things over ten minutes.

The woman leading the group therapy is a short redhead with a pretty smile. She’s one of the softer doctor’s in the place and he likes her to a point. They all call her Helen at her insistence and their goals really seem to matter to her.

Helen goes around the room and the seven of them talk about the goals they’ve been working on during the week. The girl who’d resolved to fix things with her friend explains that the call went okay and although her friend isn’t comfortable with visiting, things are calm between them. Helen smiles at her and they talk for a while about how things could proceed.

It brings Josh to wonder about the two daily phone calls he gets. At the moment it’s restricted to family but he wonders if Chris would answer if he called. He pushes away the thought quickly though, angry. It doesn’t matter if Chris or any of them would answer. Hannah and Beth were dead no thanks to the lot of them.

“Josh?”

Looking up from the linoleum floor, Josh meets Helen’s encouraging eyes.

“Did you meet your goal this week?”

Josh tends to make goals that require no effort. “Yeah.”

“Why don’t you tell us about it?”

“Nothing to tell. I reminded my Mum to feed my fish.”

“Why did you set that exact goal?”

“Because my fish are cool.”

“Pets can be really good. Do you wish you’d set a more difficult goal?”

“No.” Josh thinks to comment on how talking to his mother is difficult in the first place but he doesn’t.

Helen looks a little disappointed but she still smiles at him and nods at the dismissal of the subject.

Most of the people in the group don’t set major goals every week but there’s always one that does something difficult and there are usually several that fail. The guy next to him has failed at telling his sisters why he’s there. Josh doesn’t know why either but when the man starts to cry Beth is behind him, grinning and rolling her eyes at the guy.

“You know what would fix his problems?” she comments with a smirk. “Growing some balls and talking to his damn sister.”

It’s not a comment Beth would really make. Something Josh himself would be more likely to say but it still draws and sudden laugh out of his mouth and he grins at her smug face.

The group looks at him shocked and he turns to see Helen watching him with worry. When he looks back to Beth she’s gone and the smile abruptly drops from his face. He doesn’t offer an apology but instead mulls over the moment.

It’s rare that his hallucinations are funny or happy. It’s somehow even worse than the ones where Hannah chews on Beth’s flesh, mouth bloody.

They continue with the therapy. It’s not the first time someone has done something strange. Just the week before, a small dark-skinned girl had screamed before settling down like nothing had happened.

Helen asks them to set new goals and they share them. Josh finds himself unsure of what to pick this week. Beth had distracted him from thinking of something easy and now it just brings him to thinking about the twins and the disappointment he’s sure they’d feel at his effort there.

Instead of being bothered by his lack of ideas, Helen seems kind of happy. They talk about things he could do and somehow he ends up with the goal of actually talking to his father. Properly. About things that have bothered him for years.

Helen’s damn good.

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Josh’s group therapy is immediately followed up with individual therapy. He has the worst timetable in the whole place apparently and sits down on the chair across from Dr. Oran with a tired sigh.

They don’t talk for a while. Instead they stare at each other in silent contemplation.

Sometimes Dr. Oran’s sessions will start like this. Other times she’ll start them off by telling him something interesting. A few times she’ll flat out ask the worst question she can think of. Josh often wonders if she used to be a cop. Some of her techniques seem interrogative but he actually likes her in a grudging sort of way. She’s a sharp woman and open. It’s almost educational to watch her walk through a room, watching who smiles at her and who drops their eyes.

Still they haven’t really gotten anywhere. She’ll ask something and every so often he’ll give her an honest answer and wonder if she believed it amongst all the bullshit he spins.

Eventually the silent treatment ends. “I heard you laughed at a crying man in group today.”

“Did you?”

“I did.” Her voice rarely sounds serious. It always seems unsurprised, unimpressed and amused. She’s got long brown hair and her skin is pale chocolate. She’s beautiful and her clothes somehow show that off while looking undoubtedly professional. Josh enjoys her company despite his reason for being there.

“Well, I wasn’t laughing _at_ him persay. I was laughing _with_ my hallucination. Honest mistake. Really.” It’s kind of fun to treat all his problems as a joke. It makes everything seem so much more worth doing. It makes his stories amusing rather than terrifying or sad.

“Oh? Why was your hallucination laughing?”

“She said some interesting comments about him.”

“She? Who did you see?” Dr. Oran’s eyebrows are raised, curious. This gives him the belief that he’s being too truthful.

“One of my many admirers.”

“Well one of your many admirers seems to be telling us something, Josh.”

“Is she? I’m dying to know what.”

“She’s telling us that it might be smart to change up your meds a bit. This shouldn’t be happening. Can you tell if she’s real or not?”

Josh looks over to Dr. Oran’s neat desk. She’s got a picture displayed of her hugging a small blonde girl. They’re both smiling and covered in layers of winter clothes.

He doesn’t like taking his meds and he really doesn’t like changing them. These ones make him feel sleepy but many of the others are worse. Josh still takes them though. His reasoning is that everyone gets louder, more annoying when he stops taking them. His mother cries, his father yells, his doctors babble on even more. So he just takes them.

“Sometimes.”

They don’t talk about anything after that. She tells him the changes she’s going to make and tells him the side effects. Nausea, mood swings, lethargy. It’s possible none of them will happen. It’s possible all of them will happen.

She asks him more but he alternates between not saying anything and deflecting back to her own life. He finds out the kid’s name is Sally but other than that she won’t offer up any information.

The change of meds will start that night. They always like starting them quickly but Josh isn’t exactly looking forward to it all.

“You know, Josh… you should try the serious thing. Being honest and helping us with your treatment will get you out of here a lot faster. Think on that. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Josh nods, his expression bored as ever. He leaves and heads to the common room for some free time. He reads a battered mystery novel one of the nurses leant him and finishes it. The ending was nicely done and it reminds him of one of the movies his dad worked on a long time ago. He’d really liked that one.

The nurse smiles when he hands back the book and they speak briefly about it. She’s a nice nurse. Some of them are terrors but she’s friendly and new. She doesn’t mind letting loose and few personal details and he even knows that she has a date with another nurse working on one of the lower floors of the hospital. They’re both clear on her professional boundaries though and she keeps her troubles and worries to herself. It’s not quite a friendship but it’s the closest thing he can get at the moment.

He should call his mother today. He hasn’t used either of his daily phone calls and that’s not unusual. It makes her sad though and sometimes Josh has to remind himself that she only has one child left.

He still doesn’t call.

When lunch comes around schizo girl is in his face again. She seems a little tired but her words are still frequent and annoying and although he should welcome the distraction he despises it. It’s a miracle when the meal is over.

Everyone gets the pleasure of watching a movie after lunch and it’d be Josh’s favourite part of the day if the movies were more to his taste. It’s not always bad but he kind of wants them to show a western today and although he’s not overly disappointed to see _E.T._ he really did have some other films in mind.

As it starts he suggests they watch _One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest_. A few people laugh, one larger girl snorts loudly. A tall boy shoots him a fearful look. An orderly squints at him and the nurse next to him writes something down before turning back to the movie.

Josh remembers the first time he’d seen this movie as a kid, his Dad sitting next to him, excited to show one of his favourite movies. Beth and Hannah weren’t old enough yet to have the patience for movies and so when they finally saw it for the first time, Josh was in fourth grade and Chris was over, also watching it for the first time.

The memory hurts. Beth and Hannah are dead. He’ll never see Chris again. His dad doesn’t care enough to watch _E.T._ with him again.

When the movie’s over he feels flat. It’s visiting hour. He’s not allowed visitors yet. Not even family. His doctor’s seem to think it’s beneficial for him to get away from everyone for a while and Josh is kind of grateful for it. It means he doesn’t have to know who doesn’t want to come see him.

The common room holds a few people. Some are always in there, either not allowed to see people or without anyone to see. A couple of them are unwilling to see the people wanting to see them and it’s during this time that outbursts happen. Patients burst into tears or get unreasonably angry. Josh sees it all and ignores every incident.

He ignores a lot these days.

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Sam sits amongst the leafy trees and plants around the garden, peering curiously at the names and enjoying the feel of the sun combined with a cool wind.

Coming back to the botanic gardens isn’t like everything else at the moment. The atmosphere is peaceful and she feels a small bubble of happiness at the life around her.

She fits her new headphones into her ears and shuffles her Classical playlist. _Orchestral Suite No. 3 in D major_ begins and she adjusts the position of the cord as music flows into her surroundings. The new headphones are blue and she’s still getting used to the shape of them in her ear. Every so often she adjusts them, unable to find a good position in her right ear.

When the song changes over she huffs in frustration and pulls on the right intersection of the cord. The earpiece comes out quickly and she resigns herself to dealing with the one.

A rustling distracts her from her annoyance and she looks over to a group of bushes.

Sam’s heart stops at the continued noise and she looks around for anyone to help her or some way to escape. Maybe she can fight it? If she keeps still, it could just move on to another target. Her breathing comes out shaky and she waits, undecided and watching the leaves of the bushes move.

The next second she jumps back as something comes tumbling out.

The stress of the moment almost makes her take off but the rational part of her brain glares at her and rolls its eyes.

It’s just a young kid of five or six. He’s got messy blonde hair and a tight frown on his face, eyes clouded with potential tears. The boy’s clothes are dirty and a few leaves and twigs are caught in his hair.

“Are you okay?” Sam asks, kneeling by him.

He looks at her with fearful eyes and shakes his head.

“Okay. Well, what’s your name?”

“Ryan,” he mumbles. His voice hitches at the end but he holds his breath to keep the tears at bay.

“Ryan. Okay, Ryan. I’m Sam. Are you lost?”

He nods. “My mum…”

“She must be worried. How about we go find them.”

He nods again.

Sam takes his hand cautiously and it’s almost a comfort, like checking that he’s real. They walk together down the path and Sam works her way back to the entrance. They’re deep into the gardens and odds are they’ll find Ryan’s parents on the way back or even by the entrance.

She asks him a few questions about his mum as they walk back and he calms down while telling her they’d had nachos for lunch.

Close by the entrance a voice can be heard calling his name and the next second a woman with dirty blonde hair is rounding the corner and smiles at them.

“Oh thank God.” She scoops him up in a hug before turning to Sam. “Thank you so much.”

“No problem,” Sam comments. They head off with some “goodbyes” and Sam decides to head out. Walking back in when she’s back at the entrance seems slightly pointless so she catches a bus back to her apartment, coming back to Ashley on her couch again, reading a thin book with an eagle on the cover.

Ashley looks up when she comes in and smiles. “Hey, you’re back pretty soon,” she observes.

Sam ignores how much she likes hearing Ash phrase it that way. Like they’re there together. She has the strong urge to go and cuddle up to her, forget about the weird scare she had. She wonders if Ashley would read to her.

Instead she sits next to her and sinks into the couch cushions. “Was kind of tired. That book any good?”

Ashley’s eyes light up and Sam wonders whether or not she should have asked.

“It’s amazing. The plot is so intricate. This author is from Switzerland and it’s so interesting how she uses her own home as inspiration. I mean the _detail_ is incredible. I hope I can write something as good as this…”

It’s interesting hearing Ashley talk about books. It’s always the same kind of reverence and love and Sam has never had the heart to stop her from going on about something when her smile is so infectious.

She goes on a while longer, begging Sam to read it. Sam considers it but the storyline isn’t really her type. The characters don’t sound tolerable enough for her and although Ashley’s face forms a small pout, Sam can’t be too swayed. After all the expression looks adorable on her face.

After bantering a bit more, Ashley returns to her book and Sam puts on a new documentary on _Netflix_.

Her eyes keep straying over to Ashley though and after a while she has to glue them to the TV and admit to herself that things aren’t exactly platonic on her end at the moment. Her attraction to Ashley grew quickly after coming back from the mountain. She’s always liked the look of her friend and it’s been a long time since she’d realised girls held certain qualities she liked. But nothing had ever really happened and it used to be nothing.

Now it feels more like they have things they share in. Trauma for one thing and it’s suddenly a lot harder to stop herself staring at Ash. Her feelings aren’t completely romantic but they’re still there and she finds herself wondering what Ashley would do if she just…

No. Sam isn’t ready to lose this friendship and possibly the one she has with Chris. Instead, Sam listens intently to the TV and tries to forget Ashley is there.

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Emily isn’t exactly pleased at the notion of having some psychologist poke and prod her into sharing things that really don’t mean a damn thing.

It’s unfortunate then that she was required to be seen by some idiot shrink when in fact she knew herself enough to deal with the crap raining down around her for the past few weeks.

Of course she could deal without this Dr. Kilbourne spouting vague messages about her feelings. She knew what she was feeling: pissed off. C’mon! Who wouldn’t be with wendigoes running around the place?

“Hello, Emily. I’m Doctor Kilbourne and I will be your psychologist for the next few weeks unless you decide to go with another doctor.”

“I honestly don’t think it will matter which doctor I have. I am perfectly capable of dealing on my own.”

“I take it you’re not a fan of therapy?”

Emily rolled her eyes and settled down onto the couch across from Kilbourne. “Therapy is fine. For other people.”

“What do you have against going to therapy yourself?”

“I just don’t need it.”

“Well, I hope you’ll try to humour me anyway,” he asked with a smile.

She huffed. “I suppose. What do you want to know then?”

“Has anything been bothering lately?”

“Uh… yeah? What do you think? I was just attacked by a freaking mythological creature.”

Kilbourne nodded patiently. “Right. Has anything been bothering you with… adjusting back into your normal life?”

Emily frowned. “I guess. Things are okay. I’m just having trouble finding a new apartment.”

“Why are you moving out of your old one?”

“I just… don’t want to be there anymore. I want a fresh start.”

“Is there anything specific about the place you’ve been having trouble with?”

Emily tapped her nails against her leg. “I dunno. It just doesn’t really feel right there anymore. Feels almost like someone’s watching me or something. I was thinking about getting a new place before all this anyway.”

“You mentioned a fresh start. Is there any other way your changing your life?”

“Not particularly.” She suddenly scoffed. “Not like Jess anyway.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Emily almost snapped at him for asking when he already knew. Jess had gone to one session with him and explained her plans on moving away. “She’s moving. To get away from us apparently. The world revolves around Jessica obviously.”

“Are you upset you’ll no longer see her?”

“No. I’m angry that she _blames us_ for leaving her to die. Which we didn’t. It’s ridiculous and I’m happy to watch her back walk out the door.”

“Were you two close?”

“Like a million years ago yeah. But after she got with Mike we hated each other. I mean what kind of bitch hooks up with her best friend’s ex, you know?”

“Do you miss that friendship?”

Emily went quiet, thinking. “I… yes? I do. But it’s not something I care much about anymore. It was good but clearly we weren’t really friends in the end. Her friendship with Matt bugs me though.”

“Matt?”

“My boyfriend. It’s not like I’m going to stop him from being friends with her but… I don’t love it either. He’s just being nice anyway. She could probably use all the friends she can get. I still hate her though.”

“What about your other friends? How are things with them?”

“I saw them yesterday. It was alright. Being altogether can be good but it’s still a little awkward. That’ll probably get better though.”

“Good. What about Josh? How do you feel about what he did on the mountain?”

“Well… of course it’s awful of him and I’m pissed but… he’s sick, right? So I just hope he can get better. Although I still want to slap him for scaring us. What he did was just so fucked up.”

“When he gets cleared to leave the hospital do you think you would want to see him?”

“Maybe. We weren’t really great friends beforehand but it might be nice to know he’s okay and stuff. If it was a group thing, I’d probably go.”

Kilbourne scribbled a few things onto his clipboard before looking over it. “I think you’ve done really well this session, Emily. I’ll see you soon and I hope you have a lovely week.”

“Um, you too. Bye.” Emily left the room, waiting at the reception desk to provide her insurance. The woman at the desk gave her a wide smile and she glanced back at the closed door.

Kilbourne was… peculiar. She hadn’t made up her mind whether he was good enough just yet.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

“Jess, you know none of them meant to just let you die there, right?”

Jessica’s image on the screen is a little fuzzy but clearly frustrated. “I know that they might not have _meant_ to abandon me, but they still did it. I was scared out of my mind down there. It’s lucky I don’t have any massive scars. It could’ve ruined my entire future, Matt!”

“I _know_ that. But maybe you should try going easy on them, okay? We all went through stuff that night. Please.”

“Look, I’ll try to forgive them. At the moment I’m not willing to talk to any of them though. You should be just as angry though. You got left down there too.”

Matt frowns. “So was Emily. I know they didn’t mean to just leave us and forget but I’m not angry at anyone for it.”

“Let’s just talk about something else,” Jess says after a moment. “My new house is pretty cool.”

“Yeah? You’re still living with your parents then?”

“I am for now. When things are more stable I might look for a better place. It’s pretty uncool for me to be living with them but the dorms are all taken up since the semester’s almost started.”

“Mm. I go back to school next week and I just know people are going to ask about all the stuff that’s happened.”

Jess nods. “I’m glad I don’t have to deal with all that. Nobody knows what happened to me here so I can just pretend that nothing ever happened, you know?”

There’s a small pause in the conversation. Matt looks over the schoolwork he’s yet to finish over the break and Jess goes off to get a drink. It’s strangely comfortable between them and Matt’s glad he’s been getting to know her better.

“So,” Jess quips suddenly.

“So…?”

“I’ve got some news.” Her smile is large and slightly prideful.

Matt waits for her to continue only to realise she requires prompting. “Uh… what’s the news?”

“Jessica has earned herself a modelling audition.”

“Really? That’s great, Jess. What’re you modelling for?”

“A small fashion brand has a summer line of clothing coming out and they need a few people to show it off. They’re not too popular and they’re kind of new but I think I have a pretty good chance.”

“When’s the audition?”

“Next week.”

“You’ll do amazing, Jess. They’re sure to love you.”

“I hope so…” An edge of nervousness creeps into her voice. “I only just started at the agency here and it’s pretty big. I’ve only ever done really small jobs so I don’t want to screw this up.”

“Don’t worry so much. You’re beautiful. You were practically made for Summer clothes and stuff.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

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The library is surprisingly busy when Chris follows Ashley inside. It’s a large building so there tends to be people in there all the time but today it seems to be full of a mix of people there for business or pleasure.

Their usual table is taken over by a group of old men so they opt for a smaller set-up on the second floor, right next to the books on insects.

Both of them sit with their back to the wall, side-by-side and Chris tries not to think about why that is. It didn’t used to matter where the windows were in a place or how much of the room he could see. Now it’s impossible for him to sit with his back vulnerable to attack.

Ashley seems to feel the same way, eyeing the area with something akin to fear, as if being outside her house brings out the possibility of a wendigo attack.

Although Chris originally wanted to come here to borrow some books for classes, inviting Ashley had seemed natural and the thought of actually going to find the volumes he needed was a little less prominent in his mind.

It was only recently that he used to find these trips to the library the most exciting part of his week, meeting up with Ashley and talking quietly.

Things had dramatically changed though, as most things had after coming back from ‘Wendigo Mountain.’ His attraction to Ashley had morphed into something different and every time he thought of kissing her he was brought back to all the crap Josh had put them through.

He’d been worried that she’d want to continue with what they’d had and form a relationship but one look at her and he’d known that Ashley felt, much like himself, that pursuing anything was just a bad idea at this point.

Maybe things would change after a while but… Chris wasn’t exactly holding his breath.

“So you decided to go back to college then? Not take a break or drop out or anything?” Ashley’s green eyes return from their skittering around the room to look at him.

“Yeah, it just seemed like the thing to do. Aren’t you?”

She shakes her head. “No… I’m taking some time off for now. It’s too much to go back at the moment. I’m going to focus on doing the stuff I want to do. Like writing.”

Chris smiles. “That’s a good idea. I don’t know whether going back to school will help things get back to normal but I need to try.”

“Have you… have you heard from Josh?”

Her words are hesitant and reluctant. Chris feels a surge of affection for her, discussing a person she hates for his sake. The subject makes him a little sad though, thinking about his best friend. It’s been weeks now and there’s been no change in visiting status. The thought worries him. Josh mustn’t be getting better or something would have changed by now.

“No. I haven’t… Ash, it’s okay. We don’t have to talk about that.”

Ash shoots him a look of relief. “I’m, uh, I’m writing it all down at the moment. I don’t know why but I think I should. I know we all want to forget about it and I’m definitely not happy remembering it all but I just… I _have_ to.”

“That’s good. I think they say it helps to write things down. Besides, it’s not like our story is boring, right?”

“No one could accuse us of that. I don’t think I’d ever release it though. It’s too private. As it is, I find it hard to even get down. It brings up so much.”

Chris sighs. “I know what you mean.”

The two of them talk a little more but the conversation doesn’t flow as easily as it once would have. Chris finds the books he needs easily and they go their separate ways outside the door.

Ashley doesn’t like being by herself and quickly heads home, expecting the company of her parents.

It’s only when an empty house greets her that she remembers they’d gone to the nursing home to visit her grandmother. The house is dark and empty and it soon feels like the lodge. Sitting in her room, once the most comfortable place in the world, she can’t escape the lingering feeling of unease.

The house hasn’t felt like home in all the time she’s been back and it’s only through Sam’s place that she has a safe haven. She’s scared to bother Sam though. Ashley was always going there now and it put the thought in her head that she was being bothersome.

It takes half an hour for Ashley to give up completely and rush out of the house, desperate to get to Sam’s, giving up her reluctance.

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Josh’s new meds suck.

The side effects had kicked in pretty quickly after the nurses had distributed the pills to everyone that night, handing Josh his new batch and briefly explaining what he had changed to.

He’d been expecting side effects but he hadn’t known how quickly these would kick in. Mood swings. Nausea. Lethargy.

Falling asleep had been easier than usual and the dreams less disturbing. Waking up was awful. He’d wanted to get back to sleep, getting to breakfast tired and averse to the food.

It was only after group therapy that the bad mood he’d had developing intensified. He’d talked to Doctor Oran with nothing short of contempt and glared at her questions. He hadn’t seen Beth, Hannah or any other hallucination all day but he was already feeling like refusing the new medication.

Doctor Oran had promised it would stabilise soon but he wasn’t convinced, going off to lunch feeling pissed off.

The nausea calms down a bit so he’s able to eat some kind of pasta dish at lunch, poking at it a little and staring angrily into it. His mind keeps straying to Beth and Hannah like it often does. Today he specifically ends up at his friend’s prank on Hannah and every time he thinks of them he clenches his teeth, angry at himself and them.

Schizo girl arrives a little into lunch with a large grin on her face and something cold curls in his chest. He’s almost desperate for her to come sit with him so he can finally tell her to fuck off.

She sits right across from him, like always, and starts off with a loud greeting and immediately jumps into an anecdote about her hair in elementary school, laughing at herself in a cheerful way.

Josh holds himself back for a bit, letting his mood focus on her and trying to settle it to something he can handle for a while. He’s a good liar, he can hide his anger easily with a smile. He’d proved that plenty of times.

The medication is forcing him a little out of his usual level of control and it feels terrifying, being angry enough to be unable to stop himself. But there’s something satisfying about the way schizo girl’s words froze in her mouth at Josh’s sharp and sudden glare.

“Get the _fuck_ out of my face, you stupid bitch.”

Schizo girl’s face is completely different when she isn’t smiling. Her large eyes are downcast and the absence of her stretching grin makes her face look empty and void of emotion. She gets up from the table with a clatter and leaves the room, her food sitting on the table in front of him.

He looks back at his own before pushing it away, feeling sick again.

The incident makes him feel worse than before and he wants to go to sleep again and forget the dark pull of anger.

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Kilbourne sits with his hands folded on his lap, a pen resting on the notepad in front of him. His smile is soft and Sam doesn’t get a strong impression from him at all.

“What do you think we should take the time to discuss during our time together, Samantha?”

“Sam,” she corrects quietly.

“Sam, then.”

“I don’t really know. I’ve been fine so I don’t really think there is anything to talk about.”

Kilbourne’s fingers tap against his leg. It almost seems like an automatic reaction. “Well, how about we discuss the night you and your friends traveled up to Blackwood Mountain?”

Sam nods, eyes sliding around the room. It’s pretty bare except for a small pin board with a collection of photos and cards. Past patients, she realises.

“Where would you like me to begin?”

“Why don’t you start with the prank Josh performed?”

“Okay.” Sam bit her lip, gathering her thoughts. “It… was pretty terrifying. I mean, I thought I was going to be killed by some psycho. Josh really knows how to set up a horror movie.”

“What would you say to him if he were here now?”

“I don’t know. He’s got serious issues. I just wish I knew why I was involved. I tried to stop what they did to Hannah. She was my best friend and… he had to know I never wanted any of this to happen.”

“Perhaps when he is released from the hospital you can ask him.”

“Maybe.” Sam looked over to the photos again, focusing on a tall girl with a blonde pixie cut, her arm thrown over a brunette’s shoulder. “Finding out what happened to Hannah… it’s so much worse than I could’ve thought. I always believed that knowing would give me some closure or something but it’s awful and I wish I could’ve _done_ something.”

Kilbourne’s pen seems loud in the pause she takes.

“She was down there for weeks, starving, before giving in. To do that to Beth… it must’ve been so hard for her. On top of everything she had to turn into that _thing_. If I’d only just _stopped_ her.”

“Blaming yourself won’t fix things, Sam. The only way to move forward is to accept what has happened.”

“I know.”

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Mike keeps still under the curious brown-eyed stare. A small smile forms on his lips and the puppy pushes it’s face against the glass a little more.

He’d been looking into adopting a dog for a while, searching up breeds and a mass of information. Back at his house there was a pile of printed out websites and a couple books. It had been a good distraction and calling over the woman at the counter, Mike’s glad he’d decided on this.

At first he’d thought of adopting an older dog but after some deliberation, Mike’s sure about getting himself a German Shepherd puppy. He needs something to focus on and raising a dog seems like a good idea.

The woman helps him pick out supplies, letting him hold the puppy in his arms. It licks his chin a few times, tail beating a rhythm against his shoulder. The woman tells him it’s female, going into a few details on food and equipment. She’s already had her vaccinations and been spayed. Bonus.

When they get home, Mike shows his new lady friend around, watching her run around the small house and check out the backyard. It’s all pretty small but he thinks it will do for now.

He brings his laptop over to the couch and lets her sit next to him, scrolling through a baby names site. Every now and then Mike suggests one before dismissing them.

Finally, they land on ‘Lucy’, the puppy tilting her head at the sound of it.

“Don’t worry, Lucy. You’ll be happy here. And I promise not to bring too many girls home, okay?”

Lucy barks and rubs her nose into the couch.

“Yeah, yeah.”

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Matt’s relieved that this doctor – Kilbourne – lets him wander around his office. It’s bigger than he thought it would be and after everything small spaces remind Matt a bit of being stuck in the mines.

“How are you doing, Matt?”

“I’m good. Thanks. How are you?”

Kilbourne actually looks amused. “I’m not too bad. Thank you. What would you like to get out of these sessions, Matt?”

“I’d just like to talk some stuff through. Get it out of my system.” Matt’s done this before. His mother had him see a psychologist during high school to help talk through the stress and get some advice. It had worked pretty well but he’d stopped a couple of years ago after the woman he’d been talking to had moved and had to say goodbye. He remembers goals being important though.

“That’s good.” Kilbourne smiles before taking a note. “Where would you like to begin?”

Matt finally sits down. “To be honest, doc… I always feel a little uneasy inside now.”

“And why is that?”

“It’s almost claustrophobic. It reminds me of being in the mines. It’s not a major problem but I prefer being outside.”

“Would you like to talk about your time there?”

Matt pauses, thinking. “I thought Emily was dead down there. I… I didn’t save her. I knew I couldn’t. I was so scared and I honestly chose myself over her.”

Kilbourne doesn’t say anything. Just waits.

“I thought she was dead and that I was trapped. When Jess and I met up, it was such a relief just to see someone familiar. Finally getting out of there… I don’t think I’ve ever felt like that. Just so happy to be out and alive.”

“Do you regret your choices?”

It’s a strange question but Matt answers it anyway. “No. We’re all alive. And there’s good that came out of it. Jess and I are so close now; best friends. Emily and I are better than we were before. Mike and I got over our crap too.”

“It’s admiral how you focus on the good. You should hold onto that quality.” Kilbourne takes a minute to write things down.

The conversation from then focuses on how Matt feels going into the last semester of high school after this.

“It’s weird,” he says. “I’m the youngest so the others won’t be with me. It’s going to be hard dealing with all the rumours. Even my friends… they won’t really understand. I don’t even want to try and make them.”

“It might be good to get back to a normal setting. If things get to be too much, there are always options to do the work out of school.”

Matt nods. “I’ll have to see what happens.”

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Emily was getting a little tired of the realtor’s chipper mood.

“This is the last place I have set up today and I really think you’re going to love it!” she tells Emily with a smile.

Emily most certainly doesn’t love it. It’s not open enough. The windows are too big and definitely on the wrong wall. She still feels like they can get to her here. “Yeah, no. Do you maybe have anything on a higher floor?”

The realtor’s smile falters for a second and Emily feels some sadistic satisfaction in making her façade crack a little. This is the fifth place they’ve looked at today alone and she’d been looking for the whole week. Her stuff was in a storage locker and she was staying in a hotel. She should have gotten a place weeks ago.

But nothing felt _right_.

She’s just really wants the perfect apartment at the perfect altitude. That’s all. There’s nothing else bothering her about these places.

Nothing at all.

The realtor talks about setting a few places up for tomorrow but Emily demands a few more days to take a break from the stress of finding a new place. She briefly considers calling Matt or even Mike but eventually settles on a night alone with some wine her mother sent her. Great parenting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the _enormous_ delay on this. I had most of it ready but wasn't happy with it. I'm still not really but I figure it's better to get something out there, right? My longtime absence is mostly school (year 12 is a bitch) along with some other stuff I won't bore you with.  
>  I'm pretty excited about the upcoming chapters since they contain a lot of Josh who I love writing as along with Emily. Hopefully you like reading about them just as much!   
> Comment your thoughts about upcoming chapters and the ones I've posted. I always love hearing what you guys think.


	4. Chapter Four

Josh walks into breakfast feeling a little less attacked by the symptoms of yesterday although he’s not exactly ready for a big meal.

First person he spots is schizo girl. Immediately he feels guilty. It’s an annoyingly common feeling that he usually reserves for Hannah, Beth, and a couple of his nicer friends.

He grabs a dry piece of toast and sits down across from schizo girl with her bowl of corn flakes. She doesn’t even look up, her eyes vacant as she stares at the uneaten soggy crap in front of her.

“Hey,” Josh comments.

Schizo girl looks up, vaguely surprised he’s talking.

“Sorry about yesterday.”

“Bad meds?”

“Yeah.”

“Same.”

They’re conversation isn’t exactly thrilling but it’s the first one he’s had in a long time that didn’t involve his mother or a doctor.

She sighs. “The voices are extra loud today. Can barely hear myself think.”

“Time for a change of medication?”

“Probably. Not sure all the side-effects are worth it at that point.”

“I know what you mean. I’d rather see horrific hallucinations than throw up every time I see food.”

“I hear you… or maybe it’s one of the voices again.”

They both pause before bursting into laughter.

Josh doesn’t know what the hell is going on. Laughing properly hasn’t really happened since Beth had tripped Chris up on the lodge stairs a year ago.

When they settle down, she looks at him curiously. “What do you see?”

“What do you hear?” he fired back.

“Fair enough.” She pauses. “My name’s Amy by the way. I know you probably don’t remember it.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

They don’t talk again until he’s called for Dr. Oran’s session and Amy waves at him goodbye, her wrists cut up and looking fresh. He knows the voices can do that just as easily as his hallucinations can make him step off a ledge.

“Hello, Josh.”

Josh nods briefly at Dr. Oran.

“How’s the medication?”

“Crappy,” he says shortly.

“Better or worse since yesterday?”

“A little better.”

She writes that down. “Seen anything crazy?”

He rolls his eyes. “No.”

She nods in satisfaction and put the pen down. “How are you going?”

Josh frowns and shrugs.

“I see.” Her tone is so sarcastic it makes him want to laugh. “Anything specific bothering you?”

“I miss them.” Josh is almost as surprised as Dr. Oran when the words come from his mouth.

“Who?”

“My sisters. My hallucinations of them. Even the bad ones meant I got to see them. Hard to see a point of staying on these stupid meds if I don’t get to see them and I feel like crap all the time.”

“That crappiness will go away. Missing your sisters… that’ll always be around whether you’re hallucinating them or not, Josh. It’s important to find a way to move on. Maybe reconnect with your family or friends.”

Josh isn’t sure if it’s the medication or his interaction with Amy but the words make sense and all of a sudden he really wants to see Chris. He wants to tell him about being here and how weird Amy is. He wants to tell him that he called her ‘schizo girl’ in his head. He just plainly wants to see his best friend and hang out like they used to. It’s been a year since he’s really spent time with Chris. He wants to know if he’s gone to the bone zone with Ashley. Most of all, Josh wants to know if he hates him. He must right? The thought bothers him a little too much.

“Maybe,” is all he says though.

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“Isn’t she so adorable?!” Mike gushes, flicking through the hundreds of photos he’s already taken of Lucy.

Kilbourne blinks. “Uh… yes. German shepherd?”

“Nice catch, Kilbourne. Just got her yesterday. She’s such a good girl. Already knows to do her business outside.”

“That’s wonderful, Mike.” Kilbourne looks a little out of his element but Mike doesn’t notice as he flicks through pictures fondly.

When he finally takes a seat and stops talking about Lucy, the session is half-way through already.

“So how about we start with-”

Mike waves him off. “I’m good, Kilbourne. Fine. Came back from that mountain shiny and new, not a psychological scratch on me. I have this suspicion that Lucy isn’t a purebred German shepherd but to be honest I don’t really care.”

Kilbourne sighs and studies him. “I’m not going to get anywhere with you at the moment, am I?”

“Nope.”

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“This was a great session today, everyone. I hope you all try your best with those goals!”

The group therapy dissolves slowly and Josh gets up to leave.

“Josh! How about we have a quick chat! I’ve got some good news.”

He sits down again and waits for this ‘good news.’

“You’ve been granted family visitation rights. You can call up your parents and any other family to come see you starting tomorrow. I’m so proud of you! Maybe you can talk to your dad properly like the goal we set, huh?”

Josh nods but he’s not exactly sure his dad would even come if he called. Not that he particularly wants to see him.

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Chris has been subconsciously waiting for Melinda to call since Josh was put in the hospital. He’s always liked Josh’s mother, the parent that really looked out for her kids.

When the phone rings and her ID pops up, Chris answers quickly and nervously.

“Chris?”

“Hi, Melinda.”

“Josh just called me to say that he’s being allowed visits from family.”

“That’s great.” Chris feels a cold splash of disappointment. He’s happy Josh is improving but he just _needs_ to see him. It’s some kind of instinct to check if his best friend is okay.

“Isn’t it? I had a great idea as well so you two could get in touch. Since I’m going to see him tomorrow, I thought I could maybe bring him a letter from you maybe? I’m sure he’d be happy to hear from you.”

“Yes, of course. That’s a really good idea. When should I get this to you?”

Melinda hums. “Tomorrow morning would be best. How about the little coffee shop… I think it’s called Bean House. I go there often before checking in with Josh’s doctors. Is 9:30, alright?

“That’s great. I’ll see you then.”

“Goodbye.”

Chris feels jumpy and worried and exhilarated and just plain happy. He hasn’t been able to communicate with Josh in _so long_. Even a letter is better than nothing.

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_JESS: **OMG I AM SO NERVOUS!!! :O**_

_MATT: **Ur gonna kill it! Good luck 2day. ******_

_JESS: **Okay, okay. My number is 12. Waiting is hell! :/**_

_MATT: **All g. Just relax. U got this. I believe in u!**_

_JESS: **IM UP NEXT mATt./???**_

_MATT: **lol. Knock ‘em dead. :D**_

_JESS: **So not funny.**_

_JESS: **Done. Thank god.**_

_MATT: **How’d u go?.**_

_JESS: **Good? I think? Won’t know til the weekend.**_

_MATT: **Sure u did amazing! :)**_

_JESS: **Aww thanks. How’s ur day?**_

_MATT: **Honestly a little weird? Mike wants 2 hang and play football tomorrow? I think he’s trying to fix things..**_

_JESS: **He never would’ve done that b4 all this. Hope things go well 4 u~~~**_

_JESS: **Thanks. :) Talk later.**_

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Chris practically glares at the lined pad of paper he has in front of him. He already spent half an hour finding the ‘perfect’ pen before calling himself an idiot for procrastinating. He just didn't know what to say…

Even the first line. Was ‘Josh,’ to impersonal? ‘Dear Josh,’ was just weird. Even ‘To Josh,’ didn’t sound right… maybe ‘Hey, Josh’?

Yes. That sounded… okay, right? Oh god what if it sounded too normal? Maybe normal was good though? Chris just didn’t know, alright?

It got late real fast and still Chris had only written the first line. Just writing ‘Josh,’ was fine. The guy wasn’t going to be nit-picky about the opening sentence. He’d never been that kind of guy.

Eventually Chris has to wonder if he’s even going to get enough sleep to even give Melinda the letter. He just has to be honest. Speak from the heart and all that shit.

He’s got this.

Maybe.

Okay… probably not.

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When Sam’s doorbell rings at three in the morning, she’s kind of expecting Chris in a weird way. Expecting him to be panicking about something stupid that has no impact on anyone.

Instead she finds Ashley, crying and wiping at a splotchy, red face. Sam gets her inside quickly.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m… s-so s-s-sorry, Sam. I know I sh-shouldn’t be h-here but I didn’t know wh-where else to go.”

“You’re always welcome here, Ash. What’s going on?”

“I’m so s-stupid. I almost seriously h-hurt my dad tonight. I th-thought he was one of those _things_ and I panicked and almost stabbed him with a kn-knife. Oh god… he’s g-g-going to h-hate me!”

“No, Ash. I promise he won’t. You can use my bed tonight. I’ll take the couch. You’re just scared. We all are. We can’t get over this in a couple weeks.”

Sam took her hand and guided her to the cramped little bedroom. She’d managed to fit a decent sized bed in the room which was an accomplishment she was proud of.

Ashley took some deep breaths, trying to stop the crying. Sam sat with her until she finally calmed down, slowly running her fingers through Ashley’s hair like her own mother used to do when she cried. Not so much anymore.

When she finally decided to take her leave, Ashley grabbed at her in panic. “Please don’t go! Don’t leave me alone! Please!”

It wasn’t exactly hard to convince Sam to slip into the bed next to her friend. Her _friend_. Get your shit together, Sam.

They faced each other in the darkness and Sam actually felt safe. She hadn’t realised the constant fear that had been plaguing her since getting back but it was there and finally it wasn’t pushing up against her so hard.

Ashley still hadn’t let go of her, one hand clinging to Sam’s own and one holding on to the fabric of her shirt right by her stomach. She moved a little closer, trying to prove that she wasn’t going anywhere but Ashley didn’t let go. She just kept watching Sam as if entranced.

Sam could easily blame, Ashley for what happened next. She could say that she’d just kept pulling her closer and clinging to her and looking at her like _that >_ but Sam had been the one to make the final move, pressing in against Ashley and pushing their lips together.

It was almost surprising how unsurprised they both were… is that a thing? It felt like they’d been waiting for this to happen since Ashley first fell asleep on that couch.

Sam was glad they’d both had a little experience before this because things were running pretty smoothly unlike her first kiss.

Ashley was soft just about everywhere, willing to give as much as Sam would take and Sam happy to do the same. It was just _easy_.

The kiss kept getting heavier and more frantic and the hand that Ashley had used to grab onto Sam’s shirt was now going under it, pushing it up and over her head. Sam hummed a little into their kiss as they reconnected again, Ashley’s hands sliding across bare skin. Sam was damn happy she’d taken her bra off earlier.

Sam grabbed at Ashley’s shirt too, desperate to feel more skin against skin. Ashley obliged like the damn Flash, even unhooking her own bra in record speed. Sam wanted to marvel at her chest for a while, just take it in but there was no time. She was pretty perfectly proportionate everywhere. Almost like a video game character.

But it was hard to think when Ashley was sliding lower to bite at one of Sam’s nipples and swirl her tongue around and around. Oh Sam _definitely_ had sensitive breasts. She didn’t even bother stopping her moans from sounding in the small space. She had thick walls. Besides the neighbours could deal.

When Ashley came back up to kiss her again, Sam pulled her closer and rubbed her finger over Ashley’s pants. Thank God for yoga pants.

Ashley groaned into Sam’s mouth and squirmed against the rubbing until Sam gave up to push her hand into Ashley’s pants like they were in high school again. Sam’s mind kept putting Ashley in one of those schoolgirl miniskirts and she wondered how easy it would be to make her come.

Just putting her fingers into Ashley almost made it happen right there. So warm and wet… along with Ashley’s gasps… Sam was pretty damn close.

Apparently so was Ashley since it didn’t take her long to cry out Sam’s name like a prayer. Sam pulled out her fingers lazily and rubbed herself swiftly with her other hand, quick but _great_. The two of them passed out there, topless and satisfied.

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The problem is… Sam didn’t think about the whole ‘waking up’ part of things.

It’s awkward in the way a first night stand with a stranger is. They’re not strangers though and Sam feels… guilty.

“I’m sorry,” she says quietly.

Ashley looks over at her, confused. “Sorry? For what? This is my fault.”

“Your fault? Are you kidding? I’ve wanted to do that for weeks now.”

“It’s not like it wasn’t consensual… right?”

“Of course it was! On my side at least?”

“Well then I don’t really see the problem. We just… did some stuff?”

Sam has to laugh at that. “Guess that’s a good way to put it.”

Ashley smiles, amused. “Yeah. Look… I think this could be a good thing. I’m not exactly looking for a relationship or anything but…”

“It was a pretty good release.”

“ _Really_ good.”

They laugh for a minute.

“So… what? We keep doing this? We stop?” Sam looks over to her.

“I mean… I want to keep doing it. It was fun. What about you?” She looks nervous.

“I want to.”

“Great.”

“Yep.”

Silence.

“Wanna… watch a movie?” Sam asks hesitantly. What the hell do friends with benefits _do_?

Ashley starts nodding before shaking her head. “Can’t. I have to get home and… fix things. Last night wasn’t exactly family friendly.”

“In more than one way,” Sam mutters.

Ashley leaves soon after and Sam munches on some cereal and thinks about taking a run or something. She settles down into a documentary she’s seen before though and tries to carry on normally.

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“Matt! Over here!”

Locating Mike, Matt heads over, still a little surprised that Mike had called him yesterday suggesting they hang out, practise football since Matt hadn’t really been getting his practises in.

“Hey, Mike.”

“Yo, Matt. How’s it going?”

“Not bad. What about you?”

“Awesome actually. Just got a puppy. She’s gorgeous! Look!” Mike whips out his phone and starts showing him pictures. “Her name’s Lucy.” His eyes are lit up like freaking headlights and Matt has to admit she’s pretty cute.

“I love dogs, man. You have to let me come see her sometime.”

Mike nods. “Sure. She starts puppy school next week. She’s going to socialize and make new friends… I’m so proud.”

Matt doesn’t say that Mike is getting like a weird parent bond way too fast for this dog because Matt’s not an asshole and dogs are better than babies in his opinion anyway.

“So, let’s get to some football, huh? Not getting much practice?”

Matt nods. “Been kind of avoiding the guys at my school… they’re going to want to ask some complicated questions and… I’d rather not deal with that, y’know?”

“Hell yes I know.” He tosses the ball and it spins pretty perfectly through the air. Matt remembers Emily briefly saying Mike played in high school but was more of a baseball guy. “How’s Jess?” Mike asks. Matt briefly entertains the thought that this was the true reason Mike brought him here but he somehow doesn’t buy it.

“She’s… actually pretty good. Just did a modelling audition yesterday. Apparently the bruises healed just in time.”

“That’s good. I wish she’d get in touch but I kind of get it. I’d probably feel the same.”

“Maybe… but I don’t exactly understand it. When I was down there… I couldn’t blame anyone but myself. It just didn’t seem fair.”

Mike nods. “That’s an interesting way to look at it. How about we try something else…? What about you try and get past me, I’ll defend.”

“Alright.”

Matt is not an average player. Matt has worked _really, really_ hard for his skills. That’s why he evades Mike relatively easily. It’s in a moment of pity mixed with bad timing that Mike finally gets him to the ground, straddling him with a grin.

“Boom. Finally gotcha.”

Matt rolls his eyes, ‘playing it cool’ or whatever. Just trying to be normal while he suddenly notices a rather attractive male straddling him.

_Okay, Matt… weird thought but we can get past this. Push it away. If that doesn’t work… push Mike away?_

Matt ends up having to push Mike away. But the plan doesn’t really work as somehow they end up wrestling around in the grass on a bloody public oval in the middle of the day with children throwing Frisbees with their dogs until finally Matt ends up straddling Mike’s back and grinning.

He leans over near Mike’s ear. “Boom. I win.”

It’s a kind of… tense moment. Tense in the way it should not be between these two specific guys. They get up and do what any normal bros would do.

They ignore it.

“Let’s go grab some food, huh?” Mike asks, not looking at him.

“Great idea,” Matt says with a cough.

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Josh is surprisingly happy to see his mother.

Melinda was never anywhere near as cold and distant as Bob was but Josh never really fought for her approval either. But it’s a relief to see an actual human being he knows and has known since before going all spastic.

“Josh, honey. I’m so glad to see you. How are you?” She says all of this almost too fast for Josh to catch.

“I’m okay, Mom. At least… I’m doing better.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Oh! Before I forget; I wanted to give you this.”

It’s an envelope with straight, neat handwriting spelling out his name. Chris’s handwriting.

“I asked Chris if he wanted to pass on a letter. I thought you might want to keep in touch and he seemed eager to hear from you I think.”

Josh hopes that’s true. But not in an ‘eager to hear you’re doing like shit, you bastard!’ type way but in a ‘hope you’re doing well! Miss you~~ xoxo’ type way. Okay maybe not the whole ‘xoxo’ part.

“I’ll come by tomorrow too so I can give Chris a letter back if you want.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

Josh is 100% sure that giving him the letter now is a stupid decision because now all he can do is think about what’s in it, all the while barely listening to his mother worry and fret over him. Nice, Josh.

When she leaves Josh thinks he’s going to open it right away… but he doesn’t.

He spends about an hour in the common room just staring at the letters. He knows once he gets it open that’s it. He’ll over-analyse all of it and probably be told that Chris hates him. Christ probably wrote it with a red sharpie in big lettering over the page.

“Whatcha got there?” Amy asks, falling down on the couch beside him.

“None of your business,” he says shortly.

“Girlfriend? Boyfriend? Both?”

Josh frowns. “None of the above.”

“You’ve been sitting here for like two hours, dude. What could be so scary about one letter?”

“What if one letter proved that all your friends wanted you dead?”

“Then fuck ‘em. I want myself dead enough for all of them.”

Josh considers this before shrugging and opening it.

**_Josh,_ **

**_I’m not sure what the hell I’m supposed to write in one of these things. I mean it would just be so much easier to SEE you. This is stupid._ **

**_I miss you and I am also angry at you and emotions suck, man. I just want to hit you and then hug you._ **

**_Disclaimer: I am so fucking tired. I hope nobody else reads this. Not even sure I want YOU to read this… Don’t show this off to your band of crazies on the inside. I’m going crazy enough out here as it is._ **

**_Look, I hope you’re doing well and… I just want to see you again soon. I need you to hurry up and get your ass out of there._ **

**_Life hasn’t really changed much if that makes sense? Although I no longer have any intention in taking Ash to the… uh… Bone Zone? That ship has sailed. Kind of a relief._ **

**_We’re all seeing this psychologist. He’s pretty chill but I’m pretty sure that stuff is not going to put a dent into Mike. The asshole has gone and bought a dog or something. It’s all over the damn group chat. I like  
dogs but I can see one too many photos, you know?_ **

**_Sam and I don’t talk about it much but I know she misses you too. I think she wants to talk to you, ask you questions about all this crap. I’m sure everyone does. I do too but… I’d rather just kick you a bunch of times and then make you watch Jurassic Park with me. Seriously don’t understand what you’ve got against the little girl in that movie._ **

**_Again: I miss you. It’s like 4am and I want to see you. So get better, okay?_ **

**_\- Chris._ **

Damn, no ‘xoxo’ at the end. Bummer.

“Good news then? Your crush is finally into you or something?”

Josh looks over at Amy. “What? No. Why?”

“You’ve got this look on your face. This weird goofy smile I see on one of my friend’s faces when she gets a text from the guy she’s in love with.”

“You’re an idiot,” Josh says. He can’t wipe the smile off his face but he doesn’t really care. Chris misses him and he has the perfect evidence to tease him with. He can see that asshole scrawling down this stuff after trying to figure out what to say, finally just putting shit down before going to sleep. That’s true honesty right there.

Amy doesn’t say anything more but apparently his moods infectious because she’s annoyingly chipper the rest of the day.

He doesn’t really mind though.


	5. Chapter Five

Mike feels… weird.

Matt practically lying on top of him, whispering in his ear is weird in the first place so therefore his feelings are normal here… right?

What is normal…?

Wow, don’t go down that road. Save it for the shrink sessions.

Mike is feeling weird and kind of ecstatic at the same time. How couldn’t he while on his first run with Lucy?

The pup was still small but her legs were powerful and she kept up with him, occasionally pulling him to a stop so she could sniff around. Mike was fine with this as it meant they both had a few short breaks.

He had to keep her on a leash since she wasn’t trained yet and in his area dogs had to stay tied up. Mike couldn’t wait for the day they could run together freely. It was strange how much he was beginning to plan his future around Lucy but he almost felt like he had a little kid to take care of and love. He needed this too.

His thoughts kept going back to Matt though. When they’d grabbed food after The Incident, things had been both fine and not fine. They’d talked and acted perfectly normal but it suddenly seemed there was an elephant in the room. He _knew_ Matt felt it too. They just shouldn’t be feeling like this and besides there was Emily to think about. The two were together and… it was too complicated.

Why was he even considering that possibility? He wasn’t gay. He wasn’t even a ‘relationship’ person. Maybe he was just curious or confused. Yeah. That made sense.

Lucy stopped again and he knelt down to pat her head and give her a treat. He was probably going to spoil her.

They headed home on the last leg of Mike’s usual route and Lucy headed for her spot on the couch as they got through the door while Mike went for the shower, unhooking her harness quickly.

When he finally got out, it was to Lucy chewing on her rubber bone toy. He grinned and pulled up his phone to send a video onto the group chat they all had been part of for a few years. It had died down during Beth and Hannah’s disappearance but resurged after the events at the mountain. Josh was even in it although Mike was a little glad he was in the hospital and unable to reply.

Matt was the first to reply, again wanting to meet her. Sam also seemed in love and Mike was really proud of his little girl. Lucy looked up to meet his eyes as he sat down.

“You know you’re not supposed to play with your toys on the couch.”

Lucy bit into it again, making the thing squeak in response.

“Ah, whatever. Not like that rule was going to last long anyway.” He gave her a belly rub before settling down to some TV and trying desperately not to think gay thoughts.

‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡

“Good to see you again, Chris.”

Chris gives Kilbourne a small smile. “Can’t exactly say it’s good to be back. Sorry.”

“Well, I hope you don’t have to be for long. It can always be good to talk to someone outside the situation though. What’s been going on recently?”

“I… Josh’s mother met up with me and I gave her a letter to give him.”

“That’s good. What did you say in it?” Kilbourne is surprisingly good at listening while taking notes. Chris has got to hand it to him.

“Honestly, I barely remember. I was pretty tired when I wrote it. I think there were some things in there about wanting to hit him but also wanting him to get better. I don’t know. I’m supposed to be meeting up with Melinda after this to get a reply.”

Kilbourne nods. “I’m glad you’ve been able to get in contact. How do you think he will react to your letter?”

“No idea.” Chris looks down at his hands. “For all I know, he still thinks the prank was a good idea. He might even be angry at us for getting so pissed about it.”

“I suppose you’ll find out soon enough. What would you do if that were the case?”

“Probably say my goodbyes until he could figure things out. I don’t want him to think that way. I just want him to move on even if it means not seeing him anymore… Nobody should be to blame for what happened to Hannah and Beth. Yes, it was a stupid prank but that wasn’t why the two of them died. It was just one part of a bigger picture.”

Kilbourne looked thoughtful. “What would you have done differently that night?”

“Stopped Josh and myself from drinking to the point of passing out. Maybe that way we could’ve helped stop them or even stopped the prank. Hannah was a good person, if a little naïve.”

“You seem to have a theme of not really talking about yourself in these situations. I noticed it in our first session.”

“I guess I don’t have much to talk about when it comes to myself.”

“Perhaps you should take more time for yourself. Analyse how you feel more often. You can’t help others if you’re not helping yourself too. It’s not healthy or smart.”

Chris almost fell into a shy and awkward smile but instead he nodded and promised to think about what he’d said.

It wasn’t until after the appointment that Chris decided that Kilbourne was probably right. He’d felt guilty after Hannah and Beth’s disappearance. The reason Josh and him had barely seen each other after was because they were both blaming themselves. Josh had eventually been able to throw the blame on the others but Chris was still dealing with that guilt.

He’d said it was nobody’s fault and objectively he knew that but when he thought about waking up to Josh’s panicked shakes and spending the morning together wandering the woods until the police could show up…

Yeah he’d blamed himself then. Still did. He’d watched Josh’s fear grow and grow until he was sitting in the snow, rocking back and forth blaming himself. Chris had set aside his own self-blame to help his best friend.

He hadn’t done a very good job.

It was time to stop though. To stop blaming himself without doing the same that Josh had done and blaming the others.

He waited at the coffee shop for Melinda, feeling a little lighter. The blame wasn’t going to magically disappear but he was seeing Kilbourne again next week and maybe they’d have something to talk about and work on. Maybe seeing someone wasn’t going to be so bad.

Melinda finally arrived and payed for Chris’s coffee despite his protests. She chatted to him about how Josh was looking and things he’d said to her. They’d known each other well enough that she was giving the information away without reserve. She gave him the letter and he stowed it away in his backpack.

“Sorry to ask but… has Bob gone to see him?” He never actually called the guy Bob to his face, sticking with ‘Mr Washington’ but in front of Melinda it was easier to use his name.

Melinda looked dejected. “No. He’s… called a couple times. Josh even called him once but… he’s filming a movie now. I think he’s preparing to lose him… has been since…” she trailed off, blinking away tears.

Chris himself felt like crying. He couldn’t sympathise with Bob but it was easy with Melinda. She’d already lost two children and had managed to stay strong enough to keep loving the other even with the fear of losing him. Bob had shut Josh out quickly, preparing himself to be childless. Almost blaming Josh for his dead daughters.

“I’m sorry, Melinda. I’m sure he’ll come around.”

She smiled. “Thank you. I hope that maybe one day Josh will be able to pull him out of it.”

They sat quietly for a while before she continued.

“On the other side of things… Josh seemed happy to hear from you. He was so distracted when he got your letter. Barely listened to me prattling on. But he looked happy when I saw him today. Thank you for not berating him too much in your letter though I’m sure he deserved some of it.”

Chris shook his head. “He’s sick. Yes, I am a _little_ bothered by what he did on the mountain but I… I get it.”

Her smile is soft and Chris can see so much of her son in her eyes and face. Being with Melinda and talking about Josh actually makes him feel more relaxed than when he’s on his own, trying not to think about the possibility of the wendigos coming after them.

“I miss him,” he confesses quietly.

She gives him a warm look. “I know, sweetie. I miss him too.”

Chris lets himself forget about the letter for the time being, asking Melinda how things have been. Their last couple of meetings had been rushed and he’s worried because she lost two daughters that she now knows are dead. He admires her strength and wishes he’d seen more of her over the year. He wishes he had pushed himself into going to their house more and seeing her and checking in on Josh. He didn’t do that enough.

“I’ve got to go,” she says at last. “There’s a charity movie day that Bob let me set up with some of his contacts. I promised I’d make an appearance later in the day and talk about the fund and things. I’ll call you tomorrow about getting another letter to Josh. I won’t be seeing him for a couple of days but if it all goes right hopefully soon you’ll be able to talk with him on the phone.”

Chris smiles. “Alright. Have a safe drive. I hope you raise a lot of money.”

She hugs him tight. “Look after yourself, Chris.”

He gets up a little while after her, deciding to read the letter at home in case he needs to mope about Josh hating him. He knows Melinda said Josh seemed happy about the letter but he’s not ready to believe it. Maybe he was happy about being able to insult him or something.

The journey home felt like a long one. He had to stop himself from pulling over the car to read the letter too many times so getting home was a relief.

 _Finally_ he reached home and fell onto the couch, digging out the letter.

_**Chris,** _

_**You have no idea how good it is to hear from you.** _

_**This place is UNEXPECTEDLY filled with crazies. Seriously, how many times do I have to hear that one guy sing that ‘Fireworks’ song by Katie Perry before I kick his ass?** _

_**Glad to hear you miss me. Who wouldn’t? Except possibly my dad but let’s not go there, huh? I miss you too. Shut up, it’s a thing.** _

_**Amy says hi. She’s this chick I’m in here with. She’s batshit and hears voices. I used to call her ‘Schizo Girl’ until I actually responded to all her ramblings. She’s really weird but I’m sure you’d like her. She’s into that tech shit that you like.** _

_**Uh… what else? Ah, yes. My meds are pretty awful. There’s the whole wanting to throw up, being tired all the time and the inevitable mood swings.** _

_**Today’s been good though. I’m hopeful to actually one day get out of here even if sometimes it feels like I’ll be in here forever. Do you remember that time that we spent like a week together at my house and Mom got that pizza from some local place we never found again? I miss pizza. That pizza specifically.** _

_**Sorry you and Ashley aren’t going to work out. Fuck, do I feel shitty about that! I just wanted to get by BFF to the Bone Zone. I suppose we’ll have to find someone else for your virginal self.** _

_**Speaking of: Amy thinks I’m getting letters from my beloved. Now I’m sure if you guys ever actually meet she’ll be asking you some weird questions. Feel free not to reply.** _

_**How’s everyone? I know they probably hate me but I hope they’re alright? I guess? Selfishly I just want you and Sam to be good because I like you guys best shhh.** _

_**Just stay good, okay? When I get out you can punch me all you like. Again.** _

_**Yours 5eva,** _

_**Josh.** _

It’s an almost painful relief to hear Josh is okay. Maybe not awesome but himself enough to use words like ‘5eva’ and ‘BFF’ ironically. He can still see the anger towards the others about the Hannah prank despite the cheerfulness though and finds himself okay with that. He thinks it’ll be okay as long as Josh just has a couple friends even if he loses some. Sam will stick by. He’s sure of it. And right now Chris can’t even imagine not having Josh as a friend.

It’ll be okay.

Still, the letter is only partly satisfying. He wants to hear Josh’s voice so bad. Seeing him would be nice too. Josh is a good liar. He can’t suss things out from one piece of paper. He doesn’t understand how the doctor’s think seeing friends will be bad for him. How could it be bad?

Still, there’s nothing he can do but write up a reply. It’s weird just how much he misses Josh. He didn’t miss him much during the year before going back to the mountain. They’d all felt so bad that seeing Josh had felt like walking on broken glass. He hadn’t wanted to set him off.

Now, he feels like things are more out in the open. Josh doesn’t need to lie anymore. There’s no point.

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“Hey, Ash,” Chris says, opening the door wider so she can step past.

She gives him a nervous smile. “Hi.”

They head into the living room and Chris watches her curiously. She seems distracted by something other than wendigos and it’s almost a relief. He himself was plagued with nightmares, waking to the distinct feeling they were in the dark room. He’d stayed horribly still for long enough to still hurt.

“What’s up? Is everything okay?”

“Hmm?” she turns to him. “Oh yes. Everything’s good.”

Ashley sits on one end of the couch his parents bought him last year. Chris moves from the doorway and falls down on the other end, thankful not to be standing.

“So what brings you here?” He asks.

She sighs heavily as if steeling herself. “I… I wanted to talk to you about something but… it might be a little weird considering our past… uh… feelings?”

“It’s okay. You can tell me.”

Looking over at him, Ashley suddenly smiles warmly. “You’re a good friend Chris.” She turns nervous again. “Well, the other night I almost hurt my dad. I was scared out of my mind but luckily he was fine. I freaked though and ran out. I ended up at Sam’s place…”

Chris nods. He knows Ashley has been spending a lot of time at Sam’s. Apparently it makes her feel safe.

“Sam took me in instantly. Then she was calming me down and we… uh…” she clears her throat. “We had sex.”

He blinks. “I didn’t know you were into girls.”

“It’s… rare. Honestly, there’s only been a couple of girls but I guess I like who I like. We decided to just have fun, y’know? Blow off some steam every now and then.”

“Like friends with benefits?”

“Yeah. Something like that.”

Chris has always had his misgivings about relationships like that, mostly out of worry someone would get hurt but Ashley already looks better than she did a few days ago. “I’m happy for you. It’s good that you can… blow off some steam, like you said.”

She looks relieved. “Exactly.”

“I’m surprised though.”

She chuckles. “I know. Kind of came out of nowhere, huh?”

“Maybe not. I mean Sam is irresistible,” he teases.

She rolls her eyes. “Oh trust me I _know_.”

“So it was good then?”

A dreamy look comes over her face. “Oh yeah.”

“Wow. I can almost see it playing out on your face. Don’t think about that stuff while you’re on my couch, Ash.”

She laughs and soon the two are in a fit on the couch. Chris feels a weight lift off him. They’re okay. They’re still friends and it doesn’t have to be weird.

They settle down to watch a movie after a few minutes and she looks over at him. “So I know you said we didn’t have to talk about it but… have you heard from Josh?”

Chris almost changes the subject. He knows Ashley isn’t happy with Josh, still scared of him. He thinks of the bruise on her face that has now healed and he’s angry too. Of course he is. But he still misses his friend.

“Yeah. I got a letter. Apparently he’s doing better… God, Ash. I miss him. I’m angry at him too but I barely saw him this last year before going up to the mountain and… he’s my best friend. I just miss him.”

Something flashes through her expression but he can’t identify it. “I know, Chris. Despite everything… I still feel bad about all he was going through. I just wish he’d talked to us instead of doing what he did. It’ll be okay though. He’ll get out and you’ll see him again.”

“But it’s not going to be the same.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing,” she says quietly.

“What?”

Ashley sighs. “You know I would give anything not to have gone through all that stuff but… it happened. And it’s changed all of us, some for the better. Something good may come out of this change. You and Josh might finally talk about something _real_. I know you don’t do that a lot.”

She’s right. They’d been best bros for years but Chris can’t remember ever having a serious conversation with Josh. Sure, sometimes they’d talk about things they were worried over or sad about. It just never happened as often as it probably should have.

“Yeah, Ash… maybe you’re right. Thanks.”

She nods, leaning into him as they turn their attention to a movie.

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Emily is greeted with the sound of happy little yips before Mike opens the door.

Matt had argued about going over there, suggesting they wait until they can get the group together to meet Lucy. Emily watches him suspiciously as Mike opens the door for them.

“Hey, guys! Come in.” Mike turns as they come in. “Lucy, hush!”

Lucy quickly falls silent but rushes over to the pair as the door closes.

Matt immediately bends down to say hello, ruffling Lucy’s fur and introducing himself. Emily moves past them and gives Mike a smile before taking a seat on the couch made of brown leather.

“Are you allowed dogs in this place?”

“Nope. Says I’m not allowed pets in my lease but I just have to hide her away during house inspections. Thought I’d talk to the owners anyway, tell them I was thinking of getting a dog. Otherwise I’ll be moving out soon.”

Matt walks over with a happy Lucy in his arms. “That’s rough, man.”

Emily notes that they avoid one another’s eyes.

Mike clears his throat. “So are you guys staying for some dinner? I was thinking pizza.”

“Definitely,” Emily says, watching Matt lower Lucy to the ground.

“Great,” Mike replies, grinning at her. “I’ll go get my phone. I got that app that you can order from.”

As soon as he’s out of the room, Emily turns to Matt with one eyebrow raised. “Explain.”

Matt blinks at her. “What do you mean?”

“You guys are being all weird around each other. What happened?”

Laughing nervously, Matt sits on the couch beside her and let’s Lucy up on his lap. She sniffs at Emily curiously. “Nothing happened. I don’t know what you’re talking about, Em.”

She lets Lucy crawl onto her, staring at Matt as she strokes a hand through the dog’s fur. “Matt… don’t test me.”

“Fine,” he snaps. “Not like you’re going to be happy about it. When Mike and I went out to practise football the other day… he tackled me and there was this weird moment, okay?”

“Moment?”

“Like… like we were going to do something.” He looks away.

“Oh,” Emily says. “Huh. What did you do?”

“Nothing! We both just ignored it.”

Before she can say anything else, Mike comes back into the room, eyes on his phone. He looks up at nods to Emily. “Looks like she likes you.”

Emily looks down at the dog. “How could she not?”

They chat for a while, waiting for the pizza and when it finally gets there, she munches on a piece while watching the other two. They half-heartedly joke about Matt liking pinnaple on his pizza and she finishes, the taste of anchovies still on her tongue.

“I think we should have a threesome.”

Mike chokes on his food and Matt looks over to her with wide eyes. “What the hell, Em?”

She shrugs. “It’s obvious looking at the two of you that there’s some sexual tension and hell, I wouldn’t mind trying this all out.”

Mike looks over to Matt. “There was an unspoken agreement!”

Matt runs a hand through his hair. “I know, I know. She forced it out of me once we got here.”

They sit in silence for a few minutes.

“So?” Emily prompts.

“No,” Mike replies immediately. He looks at his phone. “Look… you guys should go. I’ve got to get some sleep. Lucy starts puppy school tomorrow and we have to get up early.

“Think it over,” Emily tells him before heading out the door.

Matt stands there a minute awkwardly before scratching his head. “Sorry, man.”

“All good. She’s just a bit blunt, huh?”

Laughing, Matt shakes his head. “No kidding. I’ll… uh… see you soon.”

“You too.”

Matt hurries out the door, stopping only to pat Lucy goodbye.

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Once again Ashley found herself opposite Doctor Kilbourne, wondering where she should start. He waited patiently, an encouraging smile on his face and Ashley had to admit that they got lucky when he was assigned to them.

“So, something happened the other night,” she began, as evenly as possible. “I… I almost hurt my Dad.”

She paused, noticing with a bit of relief that he wasn’t taking notes, instead waiting for her to finish.

“I got home and I didn’t think there was anyone there. My parents were supposed to be out of the house but I heard something and just… freaked out. Went into attack mode or something. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and almost stabbed my dad. He was so shocked. I ran to Sam’s place after, humiliated. I just… I thought they were after me again.”

Kilbourne nodded sympathetically and wrote a few quick notes, checking that she’d finished her story. “Your reaction is perfectly normal after what happened. Many people would call this hyper-vigilance; constantly on watch for attackers. You clearly have a lot of anxiety and I think we can try out a few different techniques for dealing with that. If not… maybe we could consider some medication.”

Ashley squirmed. “I’m not sure I want to take anything.”

“Is there a specific reason. Just from a current assessment, I’m sure you won’t be on it forever.”

Ashley looked down at the blue carpet. “I don’t want to be that far gone. I… can’t be crazy.”

Kilbourne seemed to understand this. “Many people take medication when going through tough periods of their lives. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and it certainly doesn’t make someone insane. We’re not at that point yet anyway. I think for now we’ll try some other things. Maybe meditation.”

Ashley nodded and went over techniques and listened to Kilbourne quietly for the remainder of the session. She liked how reassuring he could be and with every word she seemed to calm down. It felt safe there in a similar way to Sam’s place although less comfortable. She knew things wouldn’t be so easy once she walked out the door.

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“Oh my God, Josh! What the hell are you moping about? I mean you spend all week on top of the world over that stupid letter and now you’re like a three-year-old who lost their favourite Barbie doll after their homicidal aunt snapped off the limbs and laughed while she threw them in the campfire.”

Josh frowned. “Well that was weirdly specific.”

“Of course, it was. I was speaking from experience. Now stop evading the question,” Amy replied easily.

“What type of Barbie doll-”

“ _Josh_.”

“Okay, okay. Jesus. I’m a _little_ annoyed that the doctors won’t let me see or even call Chris.”

Amy hummed. “It is kind of weird how they won’t let us see friends sometimes. Aren’t support systems supposed to be good? Maybe… demand to get better privileges? Your doctor might agree.”

Josh considered this. “Yeah she’s actually not a bad person. I suppose I could ask. Now back to this Barbie doll thing…”

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He started talking as soon as Doctor Oran closes the door.

“Why can’t I use the phone to call any of my friends?”

She looked back at him in surprise but didn’t speak until they were both seated comfortably. “It’s a policy we have in place. Through therapy and good behaviour, we allow more and more privileges. Like how your mother can now visit. It’s also in case there is someone who could hurt your progress more than help it.”

“Do you think I’ve earned any more privileges?” He understood her reasoning but he was irritated by the situation. He had been since he got here, really.

“Perhaps you can try and show me in this session. Who were you hoping to call?”

Josh immediately wanted to hold back, refuse information about the friendship he was desperately holding onto, but it was because of that friendship that he needed to speak up. “My best friend, Chris. We’ve been friends since elementary school.”

“Was Chris one of the friends up on Blackwood Mountain with you?” She’s cold and calculating right now. Josh stopped, not for the first time, to appreciate her techniques and ability to get people to talk. He probably needed her detached attitude.

“He was.”

“Have you had any contact since then? How is he feeling about the situation?”

Josh nodded. “I got a letter. And I sent one back. He’s angry but… he says he still wants me as his friend. That he… can sympathise with my situation.” The words sounded strange in his mouth, too formal for the situation. Orin acknowledges them anyway.

“Do you regret what you did?”

Josh had to pause there. “I… am. I regret that I involved Chris and Sam. It had nothing to do with them. I can appreciate that this was not the best way to… express my anger.”

“You regret involving Sam and Chris but not the others? People who were possibly traumatised because of what happened?”

“Beth and Hannah died because of their stupid prank. At least mine didn’t kill anyone.”

“It could have.”

“But it didn’t. It wasn’t my fault there were wendigos there anyway. Stupid coincidence.”

Orin opened her mouth to comment but Josh held up his hands.

“Look, I… I know I didn’t do the right thing, okay? I know it wasn’t the right thing and that I shouldn’t have done it. I took a class in moral philosophy so I know that just because something is wrong doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. I don’t regret doing the wrong thing because I was angry and at least now… at least now I know the truth.”

The silence hung heavily in the office after his words. Doctor Orin doesn’t look happy, but she doesn’t look angry either which is a relief.

“Josh… I’m going to allow you to call two of your friends. You have to write their numbers down, we’ll call them and give them a heads up about what’s going to happen and then if they consent you’ll be able to speak with them. Choose carefully who you would like to speak to.”

“Thank you.”

She shook her head. “Listen when I tell you that this is not a reward. Yes, I am pleased to finally hear you speaking so we can work through some of these issues but I believe this particular point may be better understood from someone else. Hopefully your friends can get it through to you that placing blame on someone isn’t going to make your sisters’ deaths easier.”

Despite disagreeing, Josh thanked her again, still trying to understand the reality of hearing Chris’ voice again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, chapter five. Everything is moving a lot faster then I originally anticipated in this chapter... still we haven't even reached the middle.  
> I'm sorry for the massive gap between this chapter and the last. The truth is, most of this chapter was already finished ages ago but I hadn't done the last couple scenes and now I'm sure I'll take forever for the next one.  
> I'm hoping I don't but let's be real, I'm not a reliable updater. It's not a bad sized chapter though, right?  
> I started university this year so that is part of my ~excuse~ on why this is taking a long time. The other part is that this is who I am as a human being.  
> I'd also like to remind you guys that as much experience as I've had with therapy and the like, I'm not a medical professional and don't take this story as fact. If you need help call a crisis line or go see your GP or psychologist. If you just need a non-therapist person to vent to, my kik is open (username: becbecface).
> 
> Again: I'll try to be more frequent but don't hold your breath. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Leave a comment on what you thought of it!


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